Never Again
by SPNxBookworm
Summary: A one-shot to 8x17. There was a reason Castiel couldn't stab the real Dean at the end. Even the fake Dean's tore him apart. Cas couldn't hurt him anymore. He just couldn't. Never again. (NOT DESTIEL. I'M NOT A SHIPPER.)


**A/N: Okay, I can't take it anymore! I keep picturing Cas killing Dean, the start of the last SPN season 8 episode...I need more insight. Well, here is why I think Cas couldn't kill Dean at the end. Personally I'm glad he snapped out of it...But there must have been a reason where he had killed a million Deans but couldn't kill the one in front of him in the crypt.**

**This is NOT Destiel.**

**ENJOY!**

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"Well done Cas." Said Naomi as the lights in the heavenly warehouse flickered on. Cas just acknowledged her praise with a nod. Naomi ordered him to get on with finding the tablet and poofed out of the warehouse.

Cas stared around the warehouse. Each time he had stabbed Dean tore at him. He looked at all the bodies lying in his wake. He started trembling with grief. Each time it had been beyond hard. He couldn't stop. Naomi had too tight a leash on him. He stared at the Dean in front of him lying dead. A single tear rolled down his cheek.

"I'm so so sorry Dean." he whispered.

x-x-x

"I can't! I can't do this!" yelled Castiel. He was half here, half there. He could feel himself punching Dean over and over. He could feel Naomi controlling him. Samandriel had been right all along.

"Cas..stop...please.." whimpered Dean.

The tone of Dean's voice, the pain and hurt in his tone made Cas want to stab himself. He begged Naomi to make it stop. This wasn't like rehearsal. He knew that all those Dean's he had killed were fake. He knew that Dean was alive as he felt him praying all the time. But this time, the prayers were absent. This time, he was hurting the real Dean.

He felt himself take out his angel knife.

_No. I can't do this. I can't screw this up again. Not after all that happened in Purgatory. I had his back. I'm not going to give up on him now. _

"Do it Castiel!" screeched Naomi.

It took a lot of will power to overcome Naomi's control. "No." he snarled.

Saying so, he let go of Dean and picked up the angel tablet. He felt a sudden warmth rush through him. And he was in the crypt. He looked around. He couldn't feel Naomi in his head anymore. He couldn't feel the control anymore. Had the tablet...healed him?

He looked down at Dean, who was cowering away against the wall taking in painful gasps of breath. Cas couldn't believe what he had done. He had hurt Dean. A friend. A best friend. Cas moved his hands forward to heal him. It tore him apart to see Dean cowering away from him. It confused him a little. Why was Dean doing that? Then it struck him.

_Dean is __**scared**__ of me. _

He felt something break inside him. Pain filled his features. He tried to ignore the whimpers of denial from Dean and healed him. Dean stared at him in shock.

A while later, Dean stood in front of him. Dean was trying to understand what Cas had been through.

"So, Naomi...she was controlling you?" asked Dean again.

"Yes."

"So how did you snap out of it?"

Castiel hesitated. He couldn't see himself betraying Dean again. He had let the Leviathans out. If he hadn't done that, Dean would never have had to enter Purgatory. Things wouldn't be strained between the Winchesters. He would never have ruined his best friend's life.

"I don't know." Said Castiel. He honestly didn't know.

"I've got to protect the tablet from Naomi."

Dean nodded.

It broke him to say it, but he had to. "And you." said Castiel.

Dean looked at him in confusion and his eyes were full of questions. He couldn't bare to explain it all to Dean. He left. And he could feel the anger in Dean's prayer as he yelled over and over for the angel.

_I'm sorry Dean. I can't do this to you again. I can't turn your life into hell again. This is my fight. I need to do it alone. I can't...betray you anymore. I **won't**_ _betray you anymore. Never again. I hope you understand. I'm so so sorry Dean..._

**END.**

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**Not my best work. But this is what I feel was going through our beloved angel's mind. I like the way it turned out. :) Leave me lots of reviews! :D I'd love to know what you guys think. It was my first time writing Castiel. He is a very very very difficult character to write. Please let me know if I did it justice. **


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